At times I am fine. I feel content. I feel distracted enough to be okay with things as they are. But eventually, like clock-work, something comes over me.

Craving. Desiring.

“Oh maybe I just need a new shirt.” “Oh I just need to eat some chips, then this craving will go away.” “I feel like I need to get drunk tonight.”

And I follow these threads. Maybe I buy things in excess. Maybe I eat things in excess. Striving. Searching. Trying to fill the void. But what is missing? Why does this feeling keep coming back?

Surely, it is not that my soul cannot be satiated.

Surely, my human form was not created to be forever unfulfilled.

What if I’m missing the most obvious answer?

I am missing me.

What brings me joy? What ignites a fire within my being? What makes my soul feel nourished?

Do I even know anymore?

Have I become so disenfranchised in my life that I have NO IDEA what brings me joy?

Is it a big gluten-free vegan pizza?… Is it travel? Sex? Drugs? Alcohol? An intense work out at the gym? Maybe a good book on a rainy day?

When is the last time I truly laughed? When is the last time I sung and danced and played and did not care what anyone else thought?

When was the last time I followed my soulful curiosities and followed the thread of breadcrumbs back to the me I was when I was a little girl?

I used to play. I loved playing with dolls, with friends, with plants, and twigs. I spent hours and hours every day ~ inside or outside did not matter. My imagination had no limits. I wrote stories. As young as five years old, when pencil touched paper my hand became a life of its own and story emerged as if writing itself.

And then, slowly, but profoundly, I became shamed. Embarrassment of “child’s play”. Embarrassment of the vibrant imagination that coloured my days. Embarrassment of my sensitivity, emotion, and the way I experienced life.

So, I shut it down.

I shoved this part of me deep into the shadows of a closet within myself and I locked the door.

Shh. Keep it down!” As this part of me screamed and banged.

I turned to alcohol, drugs, television, computer games, food, diets, self-sabotage ~ anything to quiet this self. I wanted to be numb. And I wanted to grow up faster so I could be the way adults were advertised to me ~ free.

But, I guess I missed the fine-print. The feeling of freedom did not come from following this regime. It did not come from numbing out, quieting my inner-self, fitting in.

Misery. That is what I received in exchange for locking these parts of me away.

Sometimes, misery does a beautiful thing for us. It might cause us to give up. And when we give up, we tend to stop moving. We tend to stay still. Maybe, in that stillness, we start to listen.

The inner-self started to knock again. This time, I listened ~ what did I have to lose?

And things started to shift. Very slowly, indeed. But, that closet door began to unlock.

As Clarissa Pinkola Estés writes about in Women Who Run with the Wolves, the Wild Woman was freed.

Like any animal freed after years in captivity, there is much learning, and unlearning to be done once the Wildish is released. So here is the work. Lovingly, patiently, and compassionately guiding and sitting with this inner-self. Granting permission for whatever comes up. Granting permission to go slowly, to move in non-linear dances.

Permission to play, sing, laugh, dance, experience emotions, paint the world with my imagination.

Permission to be the unapologetic and Wildish me.

The Changing Ways

What a peculiar time to be in this world. To feel the waves of so many different emotions ranging from fear, worry, uncertainty, mistrust to feelings of hope, intrigue, silver linings, and revolution.

Certainly none of us know what the days to come will bring, yet it feels the desire for change has echoed in our voices for years.

There is such irony in these times, as we live in a world in which we have become so disconnected from ourselves and the Earth, while also being more connected to our brothers and sisters across the globe than many of us may have realized.

These times are not easy and for some these times are completely devastating. My hope is that we can use this sudden halt of the world as we know it to elicit the change, the action and the togetherness that can help our Mother Earth and ourselves to heal.

Wishing everyone safety, health, peace and laughter.

May we go forth with love in our hearts, and gratitude in our minds… And may we get through this together.


We spend much of our lives in a state of effort. Working long hours at our jobs, pushing ourselves to make progress in our work out routines, trying to look good by doing our hair, makeup, keeping up with the latest fashion trends. Staying up late, waking up early, getting more things done in a day, being healthy, eating right, being social.

The list goes on.

But how often do we stop, and let ourselves just be? How often do we practice compassion for ourselves for the things that we can’t do, or the things we don’t want to do? How often do we listen to our bodies when they ask us for a break? How often do we truly rest?

We live in a “go-go-go” society. If we aren’t being productive, many of us feel like we are failing. But just as the seasons change from bright and blooming, to dark and drooping, so too do our energy levels. Instead of feeling guilty, why don’t we take a moment to breathe, to give ourselves permission to have easeful days? Why don’t we treat ourselves with compassion to rest, recuperate, and recharge?

Just as the seasons change, and the moon waxes and wanes, so too does the rest of nature. Perhaps, as we remember that we are part of nature, we can accept this need and invite more compassion into our days.

Out with the New

The reason we are so addicted to newness – new clothes, new relationships, new technology, new destinations, new cities – is because when something is new we are forced, or frankly, we choose, to be present as we experience it. We have no prior familiarity, therefore we cannot have expectations, which leads us to come unarmed of any thoughts that can distract us from our experience.

In these moments, while we taste a new cuisine for the first time, or we see a new city, or meet someone new, we are fully there, in the moment. Our senses are hyper aware allowing us to partake in the full experience. 

Newness draws our attention to the experience at hand. 

But then we eat that cuisine for the third, fourth time and so on, and it doesn’t taste as good. The new city we are living in is not so exciting anymore. The new relationship becomes old, boring, we start seeing flaws.

Then we decide we need to change something, buy something, do something new.

We want that feeling of excitement again.

We want that feeling of full presence.

So maybe we move, maybe we start a new relationship, maybe we change our clothes, our hair, our hobby.

The cycle repeats.

We are addicted to newness, but nothing can remain new forever. New is a very brief occurrence before things become our normal.

We may feel as if we are always chasing after something. And maybe we don’t notice it while we are buying a new shirt, or piece of technology, or whatever the case. But it is a desire to fill a void within us. To bring us a moment of excitement, connection, presence.

And then it fades.

But what if we do not have to continue living in this cycle for the entirety of our lives?

The desire to consume, to buy, to bring new into or lives is not a shared human phenomenon across all cultures. In fact, it may be argued that it is a Westernized phenomenon.

Why is this?

We have been manipulated to think that new is better through marketing approaches to increase profits.

But how can we fill the void within us without repeating the cycle?

Practicing gratitude for what we have is a huge contributor to overall contentment. Some of the poorest places I have been are full of the happiest, and seemingly most fulfilled people. Why? An immense gratitude for the things they have, a willingness to share, and a feeling of presence rather than seeking more.

Perhaps, when we feel a need for something new, or for a change because we are bored, we can take a moment and think of the things we are grateful for. Material objects, sure, but also for the beings in our lives, the relationships, connections, and being alive ourselves.

Perhaps, we can take a moment to notice where we are, what we are doing. We can feel the object in our hands, notice the texture of our food as we chew. Feel the warmth in our bodies when our partner’s eyes light up with laughter.

Perhaps, we can intentionally experience each moment as if it is new. Because, well, each moment is new. And when we invite this way of being into our lives, even if we forget and do so sporadically, this void may begin to dissipate as our presence increases.

Perhaps the more we live with intention to be present, the more we can see that our lives are so very full, and so very beautiful just as they are.


Life is a cyclical experience. We undergo 24-hour cycles, weekly cycles, monthly cycles, yearly cycles, and so on. It is no wonder then, that our growth, healing, and circumstances are not linear, but rather cyclical themselves.

In one day, one week, one month, one year, we may encounter numerous ups and downs; happy and sad moments; positive and negative experiences. This is a natural and beautiful gift of life to constantly learn from different situations. It is only in our thinking, in our minds, that these experiences attain a label of “good,” “bad,” “positive,” “negative.” Without such labels, they would simply be part of our cyclical experience as humans. It is interesting then, to not deny our less energized, darker days, but to flow with them. To experience them without judgement.

We seem to put less attention on the days we feel excited, and light, as if these are our normal. So why not put less attention on the opposite as well, and accept that all is our normal?

To let go of our expectations of any day, any cycle in our lives, and to go with it is to experience the beauty of life. We do not need to quickly change our thoughts if something unpleasant comes up. We can allow, flow, and be kind to all thoughts. Give all thoughts their moment, and then move on with the flow of our cycles. The more we learn to move with the waves of life, the more we are able to relax, float, and enjoy.


Forever flowing and growing like the oceans at high tide
moving with the wind;
freely and effortlessly.
Changing direction with ease;
growing like a tree reaching high toward the sun
and deep into the earth as she discovers her roots.
Always finding a way to adopt to her environment
and not allowing storm clouds to obstruct her way.
She is the earth and the stars, the moon and the seas.
She has the power and beauty to conquer the world;
yet the humility and grace to live harmoniously within it.
She is fierce.
She is gentle.
She is woman.

She is you.

‘Finding Yourself’ – A Cliché or a Transformative Phrase?

We hear the term ‘finding yourself’ quite often in our modern age. It is a byproduct of a time in which liberty and exploration due to economic conditions and access to resources are being experienced on a large scale (though this is certainly not the case for many people who do not have the same opportunities).

It is a catchphrase, often used to patronize others, “she went to India to ‘find herself’” – when someone takes a step away from their daily life to travel, introspect, or otherwise look for something beyond themselves.

It purports that I have yet to know myself and that I must search outwardly to find who I am; however, this is a misconception. This phrase indicates a journey into the self.

Finding yourself is not the same as searching through the mall to find the perfect dress for an occasion. It is about journeying inward, clearing away the clutter, clearing the conditionings of a life influenced by societal information, and coming back to who we are. It is about finding what we’ve always had yet forgot or misplaced along the way.

Finding yourself is similar to washing the dust and dirt off an old glass frame, revealing a beautiful piece of artwork that has always been there, yet was covered by debris from years of hanging on a wall. It is searching deep within ourselves, dusting ourselves off and revealing the beautiful artwork that we all are.

It is not a graceful journey either. It is painful, uncomfortable, lonely, and vulnerable. It is difficult to shed the layers we have grown to protect ourselves from life. It often feels like we have exposed a wound before it is ready, and we want to reach for the gauze to cover it back up. But it is in these most vulnerable, uncomfortable times that may bring us clarity and allow us to become comfortable with the uncomfortable. It is in these lonely experiences that we are forced to sit with ourselves and become reintroduced to who we are.

‘Finding yourself’ may be a cheesy cliché, but there is true value to this phrase. It is when we begin to know ourselves fully and deeply; when we sit with our darkness and our lightness; when we learn that our internal world influences everything outside of ourselves, that we can transform our lives. In finding ourselves, we find our true expression, our true authentic self, and learn to love ourselves fully as we are.

One Year as a Yoga Teacher

One year ago today, I completed my 200-hour yoga teacher training (YTT) in the beautiful country of Costa Rica. I cannot say exactly what drew me to my training beyond simply wanting to deepen my own practice. I had no desire, or perhaps no confidence, to ever teach yoga. I had practiced on and off for a few years, but it wasn’t until I went through a painful heartbreak that I found myself devoted to my practice and desiring the deeper meaning behind the physical yoga asanas.

So, after two intensive weeks of training, which were not only physically and mentally draining, but also very emotionally taxing, I became certified as a yoga teacher.

Now what?

I didn’t think I would be able to find a job teaching, nor did I think I was good enough to teach. I compared myself to others, looking at the Instagram yogis who lacked any body fat and could bend like pretzels, and I allowed this to fill my mind as proof I would never be worthy. Thankfully, one of the trainers at my YTT took me aside toward the end of the two weeks and instilled hope and confidence in me with his belief I could and should be a teacher.

So, I left the training with his voice in my mind, while attempting to push aside my many doubts, and I wasted no time before practicing my newly learned skills.

I still had many months of traveling ahead, so I began teaching yoga in a hostel on the island of Ometepe in Nicaragua. I found the teaching difficult and I was dreading it more than enjoying it. I had a taste of “yoga politics,” in which other, more experienced teachers made me feel very incompetent. However, I used this as a lesson and tool to help push me forward, and I continued on. I then made my way back to Costa Rica where I taught informally at another hostel I worked in.

When I arrived back in Canada, I assumed the chances of being hired as a yoga teacher were next to none, as yoga studios expect two or more years’ experience, and usually a recommendation from another teacher.

I was very lucky to find a job rather quickly though, and I began teaching a few classes a week. At first, I felt resentment and frustration because I took over for a teacher who had taught the same class for over 15 years, and her students were not happy to see her go. I was met with a lot of resistance and found it difficult to find my own way of teaching these students.

It took a few months to finally feel confident with my own teaching style, and I could see the students noticed my new found confidence, meeting me with enthusiasm and willingness.

I have now been teaching yoga for one year, and I have learned so much in this time. Being a new teacher is one of the most challenging and emotionally vulnerable things I have ever done. I am constantly met with people who either love my style or who want it to be quite different. It seems that there is not one way to please everyone – which is obviously true in more than just a yoga class.

I have begun to feel more confident in my abilities, in who I am as a person, and I am opening up and allowing others to view my vulnerabilities.

It is truly a challenge to show up, no matter what is going on in my personal life, and lead a meaningful practice. It takes a lot of courage to stand in front of a group of strangers and speak, move, and guide them. I find teaching now to be immensely rewarding, and often find that after a class I feel I just experienced a transformative therapy session. To be so vulnerable, to be willing to make mistakes in front of groups of people, and to welcome criticism is such a difficult, yet humbling experience.

I am so grateful to call myself a yoga teacher, and I am eternally grateful for all those who have led me to this point in my life. Teaching will never come without challenges, doubts, and fears, but it is a beautiful path to be on.

2018 – The Year of Self-Love

Happy New Year and 2019!

I am so excited and grateful for the start of another year, and for the opportunity to experience growth, renewal, and expansion.

However, before I dive into 2019, I think it is a good idea to reflect on what brought me to this point, to be thankful for my progress, and to contemplate 2018 – my year of self-love.

2018 was a year like no other for me. I left on January 4th for a trip to Costa Rica, where I completed my Yoga Teacher Training and volunteered in hostels. The sudden urge to book this trip was murky, if not completely unknown to me. I woke up one day with an overwhelming need to travel to Costa Rica and within two days I booked a plane ticket. Though somewhat unexplainable, this trip was detrimental to my health and well-being. Perhaps it was not the travel specifically that I needed so badly – it was the change of scenery, the expansion of my world-views and the reintroduction to myself.

When I arrived in the little surfer town of Puerto Viejo, where I planned to live for a month, I noticed how kind and happy the people living there were. Of course, the sun, warm weather and a home in paradise contributed to their glow, but there was something more to it. There was something else that brought a sparkle to their eyes and an extra friendly smile to their faces. It was their love.

It hit me like a brick-wall when I realized – no, I felt the love these people were emanating. I felt so cared for and surrounded by so much warmth. And yet, I didn’t understand why people who barely knew me made me feel so warm and loved and why I had never felt this way before.

It dawned on me that the reason my new friends had so much love to give others was because they worked on loving themselves each day. It began when I told one of my new friends that I was “so stupid” for whatever I did – a very common retort I’d use when speaking about myself after the most minor infraction – and she looked at me and said, “Love, you don’t deserve to be spoken to that way.”

I began noticing the comments I consistently made to put myself down and how unnecessary these words were. It didn’t end with little put-downs after I made a mistake either; I constantly criticized my body, personality traits, and I would compare myself to others with the notion that I would never measure up. The more I became aware of my habits, the more I realized I never actually had a nice thing to say to myself.

My epiphany, followed by guidance from the amazing women I met, led me to a place where I was able to question the way I have treated myself my entire life, and my ingrained belief that to speak with self-confidence means you are narcissistic and self-absorbed.

During those months of travel a lot of things came up that I had to deal with and overcome. I had to talk myself through a lot of insecurities, a lot of traumas based around old relationships and this constant feeling that I was not deserving of my own or anyone else’s love. I spent a lot of time alone, and a lot of time in stillness, which effectively led to a weight gain, causing even more body-image issues to surface and work through.

Of course, this is an ongoing process that I did not overcome in one year; however, the first step is to become aware of our toxic patterns, and I certainly did in 2018.

Since this discovery I have felt changes in myself. I have begun to develop a healthier self-image and my thoughts are shifting from criticism and discontentment to kindness and patience. When my internal chatter starts listing off perceived reasons why I am not good enough or why I am incompetent, I redirect my thoughts to focus on positive aspects of myself, and I remind myself that every mistake is an opportunity for growth. I have started telling myself “I love you”. I have begun questioning the social norms, advertisements and messages I have grown up consuming that indicate we can never be happy just as we are.

I have begun to work on being happy just as I am.  

2018 taught me the importance of reminding myself I am good enough and I am deserving of love from others and from myself. It taught me that love starts from within and flows outwards to others, and in order to exist within a place of love, we must work on loving ourselves first.